Using EMDR to Break Unhealthy Relationship Patterns
Introduction
When it comes to relationship issues, many of us find ourselves stuck in patterns of behavior we can’t seem to break, regardless of our efforts. Often, these behaviors stem from unresolved trauma stored deep in the brain and body, influencing our reactions in ways we may not even realize. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy targets the brain regions—such as the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex—that drive these automatic responses, allowing us to reprocess old wounds and develop healthier, more conscious ways of relating to others. In this post, we’ll explore how EMDR can help transform behaviors that obstruct your relationships.
Intro to EMDR
EMDR therapy effectively helps individuals reprocess traumatic experiences by engaging the brain's natural healing mechanisms. This therapy assists the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex in functioning appropriately, similar to non-traumatic times. Unlike traditional talk therapy, EMDR follows a specific protocol that facilitates processing traumatic memories through bilateral stimulation (BLS), such as guided eye movements or tapping.
The Neuroscience of EMDR
Understanding the neuroscience behind EMDR can clarify how it helps with relationship healing.
The Amygdala: The Fire Alarm
The amygdala is involved in processing emotions, especially fear and stress. It plays a key role in encoding and storing the emotional intensity of traumatic memories in long-term memory.
In Trauma: In traumatic experiences, the amygdala becomes highly active, tagging memories with intense emotional markers (especially fear and danger). This makes the memory vivid and emotionally charged. When a traumatic memory is triggered, it activates the body’s fight-or-flight response.
In EMDR: When a client recalls a traumatic memory in EMDR, the amygdala initially reactivates the distressing emotional content associated with the memory. However, as the working memory is overloaded by recalling the trauma while performing bilateral stimulation (BLS), the amygdala’s response begins to weaken. The emotional intensity of the memory, governed by the amygdala, diminishes over time as the memory is processed and reencoded with less emotional charge.
The Hippocampus: The Flash Drive
The hippocampus is crucial for encoding and retrieving memories, particularly the contextual details of experiences—where and when an event occurred. It helps convert short-term memories into long-term memories and integrates emotional experiences (stored by the amygdala) with factual details.
In Trauma: During trauma, the hippocampus may become impaired, leading to fragmented or disorganized memories, resulting in flashbacks or intrusive thoughts.
In EMDR: As the traumatic memory is recalled and processed with BLS, the hippocampus reorganizes the memory to integrate emotional and factual content. This allows the individual to recognize that the event is in the past and no longer an immediate threat.
The Prefrontal Cortex: The Executive Command Center
The prefrontal cortex is involved in higher-order functions like reasoning, decision-making, and emotional regulation.
In Trauma: When the amygdala is highly activated due to trauma, the prefrontal cortex often becomes less effective at regulating emotional responses. This can lead to a sense of being emotionally overwhelmed or unable to think clearly.
In EMDR: During EMDR, the prefrontal cortex manages the memory recall while performing BLS. This helps weaken the emotional response by regulating the amygdala, allowing for better emotional regulation and a sense of control over the memory. The prefrontal cortex helps to reappraise and reinterpret the memory in a more neutral, adaptive way.
How These Brain Regions Operate in EMDR
Memory Retrieval: When a traumatic memory is recalled in EMDR, the hippocampus retrieves the factual content, while the amygdala reactivates the emotional charge. The memory is brought from long-term memory into working memory (managed by the prefrontal cortex).
Bilateral Stimulation: The therapist engages the client in bilateral stimulation (e.g., eye movements or tapping), which taxes working memory, which can only tend to about 4-7 pieces of information at once, overseen by the prefrontal cortex. This reduces the brain’s capacity to fully focus on the emotional intensity of the memory, weakening the amygdala’s activation.
Emotional Reduction: As the prefrontal cortex works to manage both the memory and the bilateral stimulation, the amygdala’s grip on the emotional content of the memory loosens. The emotional intensity tied to the traumatic memory becomes less pronounced, and the autonomic nervous system’s activation is weakened.
Reprocessing and Integration: The hippocampus can now work effectively, re-encoding the memory with clearer context and reduced emotional weight, allowing for a more balanced appraisal of the memory.
A Real-Life Example of EMDR in Action
Consider Sarah, who seeks EMDR therapy to address trust issues stemming from a difficult breakup years ago. She struggles with conflicting feelings: a part of her has difficulty trusting partners, requiring constant reassurance, while another part knows she has no reason to mistrust.
During her sessions, Sarah recalls painful memories associated with the betrayal she experienced, activating her amygdala and triggering anxious thoughts and emotions. Through guided BLS, her therapist helps her reflect on these experiences, allowing her amygdala to settle and her hippocampus to interpret and store the experiences differently. Over time, the prefrontal cortex helps Sarah reassess her views on trust, leading her to believe that one person's betrayal does not mean that everyone is untrustworthy.
By the end of therapy, Sarah's fear of rejection diminishes, enabling her to approach new relationships with openness and trust. EMDR empowers individuals like Sarah to transform their traumatic past into a more integrated and harmonious present, fostering healthier relationships moving forward.
TL;DR:
EMDR therapy utilizes the coordinated interaction between the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex, along with bilateral stimulation, to reprocess traumatic memories. This process reduces emotional distress and facilitates healing, particularly for those with relationship problems.
By processing past traumas through EMDR, individuals gain insights into their emotional responses and behaviors, ultimately leading to healthier, more fulfilling relationships. EMDR empowers people to overcome their traumatic past, fostering better emotional regulation and interpersonal connections.
References
Shapiro, F. (2014). "EMDR: Key to Unlocking the Secrets of Trauma." Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 51(1), 104-110.
Hernandez, A. (2016). "The Efficacy of EMDR in Treating Trauma: A Meta-Analysis." Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 17(5), 517-532.
Morrison, A. P., & Kershaw, K. (2020). "EMDR in the Treatment of Trauma-Related Disorders: A Review." Journal of Clinical Psychology, 76(3), 439-453.
Ready to change your life and break free from the invisible grip of the past? EMDR therapy can help you prune the roots and move forward with confidence. Reach out today to see how EMDR can support you in building better relationships.
