Parts Work: Enhancing Relationships Through Reparenting
What Is Parts Work?
Parts work, sometimes used interchangeably with reparenting or inner child work, is a therapeutic approach that views a person's psyche as made up of many different parts, formed in response to experiences, particularly those related to trauma. Trouble can arise in our relationships when parts of us are in conflict or use outdated strategies to meet current needs.
The Neuroscience Behind Parts Work
Understanding the science behind parts work can clarify its therapeutic benefits. A key principle in neuroscience is the Hebb Rule, which states that "neurons that fire together, wire together."
Understanding Neurons and Neural Pathways
Neurons are special cells in the brain that send messages throughout the body. Groups of neurons working together form neural pathways. Parts are essentially these neural pathways that respond to repeated experiences.
For example, an imposter part can develop from sustained self-doubt during childhood, leading to internalized feelings of inadequacy. This neural pathway triggers feelings of anxiety and unworthiness even in adulthood, affecting professional and personal life.
Examples of Parts
Several therapeutic approaches view the mind as comprising various parts. For example:
Freud: Ego, Superego, and Id
Transactional Analysis: Child, Adult, and Parent
Internal Family Systems: Exiles, Managers, and Firefighters
How Reparenting Helps Us Relate Better
So how does reparenting, or parts work, help us relate better to ourselves and others? Let’s turn to the movie Inside Out to help answer that question.
In the first Inside Out movie, we see the character Riley and her emotions—Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger, and Disgust—working together to navigate her experiences. In a similar way, we have different parts of us that serve various functions and roles. Each part carries its own memories, emotions, beliefs, and coping mechanisms, often influenced by specific life events.
Just as Riley learns to embrace Sadness to find balance and understanding, parts work encourages us to acknowledge, listen to, and allow these parts to express their needs. In much the same way a caring parent does, we can “reparent” these parts of us by providing the nurturance, protection, support, boundaries, and guidance appropriate to the situation.
Through this way of being with ourselves, the brain gradually adapts to new ways of thinking and relating, paving the way for more fulfilling and harmonious relationships inside and out.
TL;DR:
Parts work and reparenting focus on healing unmet childhood needs and emotional wounds by providing ourselves with the love and support we may not have received. Engaging in this transformative process fosters a compassionate understanding of ourselves, positively influencing our interactions with others.
Through reparenting, we learn to identify and validate our feelings, enhancing our emotional intelligence. This self-awareness enables us to express our needs and set boundaries effectively in relationships, allowing us to respond from a healthier emotional state rather than reacting from past wounds.
As we nurture our inner parts, we cultivate essential qualities such as patience, empathy, and forgiveness. By practicing unconditional self-love, we set a powerful example for others, fostering deeper connections built on mutual respect and understanding. Ultimately, reparenting transforms not only our relationship with ourselves but also how we relate to others, paving the way for more fulfilling and authentic connections in our lives.
References
Schore, A. N. (2003). "A Two-Person Unconscious: Intersubjectivity and the Development of the Self." Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association, 51(3), 685-706.
Swan, A. J., & Ray, R. (2017). "Reparenting: A Guide for Adults." Journal of Humanistic Psychology, 57(1), 58-74.
Shapiro, F. (2001). "Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures." Journal of EMDR Practice and Research, 1(2), 131-143.
Are you ready to improve your relationships with yourself and others? Even if this approach can seem a bit woo-woo, it works and you’re worth it. Contact me to see how this caring approach can help you foster healthier relationships.
